[personal profile] nansense

TITLE: "When Play Turns Bitter - Chapter Eight: The Bones of You"
AUTHOR: [livejournal.com profile] nanoochka
RATING: NC-17 for language, violence and graphic descriptions of sex.
PAIRING: Dean/Castiel, Dean/OMC, Sam/OFC, mentions of Dean/Lisa and Cas/Balthazar
SUMMARY: “You’re happy with your world/ But there is something small in the back of your head/ Your concerns are still free/ You fall into the trap/ Without knowing what you want/ And there’s nothing left but a foolish idea/ Everything goes back into place.” Remember that play turns sour when playing with a fire; but Dean is as tired of pretending like his life hasn’t begun, as he is waiting for Castiel to notice.
SPOILERS: General S6
DISCLAIMER: Supernatural and all associated content is the property of The CW and Eric Kripke. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’ve been wanting to write a Dean/Cas epic in the frame of Dean/OMC for a while—there’s so much fic out there that situates their relationship within Dean’s involvement with Lisa, which is obviously all very well and good (and canon); but I’m more curious about how Dean would handle getting involved with another man. There are a lot of fun implications not only for his sexual identity, but how Castiel might respond to such a thing, so I figured to just forge ahead and see how things work out. The title is from the traditional Welsh standard written and sung by Caryl Parry-Jones, “Chwarae'n Troi'n Chwerw” (“When Play Turns Bitter” or, “When Play Turns Sour” - lyrics here); chapter title from Elbow. Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] sansday for taking point as head cheerleader/alpha, and [livejournal.com profile] shane_mayhem for the incisive beta and Portland-related cultural-geographical coaching.

Part Seven

“When Play Turns Bitter” by [livejournal.com profile] nanoochka

Chapter Eight: The Bones of You

     “You should have this before it’s gone.”

     The fabric of Dean’s t-shirt fell to the floor in a whisper, joining the heap of clothing that already contained his flannel overshirt, jeans, socks, and boots. All that remained on his body was the white boxer-briefs he hadn’t imagined anyone seeing when he got dressed this morning, the ones that were a little shorter, a little tighter than he normally liked—in retrospect, the kind of underwear you wore when trying to seduce someone, or spent way too much time browsing the Calvin Klein collection. Tented slightly at the front with his excitement, a moment later they, too, landed upon the pile. Dean pushed his chest out a little and spread his arms—an invitation for Castiel to look.

     In contrast to the deer-in-headlights expression he’d received a few hours previous in response to bringing up Castiel’s sexual history, the angel seemed pretty unperturbed that they’d returned to base camp only for Dean to close the shutters and lose his clothing. He wasn’t one for strip-teases, but Dean thought he was cocksure enough that it came across the right way. Unlike a lot of things in his life, Dean’s body was something he was confident of, as much as his ability to give pleasure; yet throughout the whole thing, Cas regarded him with an air of such calm that Dean felt momentarily unsure of himself.

     Not that he had a damn clue what he was doing in the first place. The brothel had been the first indication of that much.

     “Do you like what you see?” Dean asked, lowering his voice to a seductive purr so that Castiel would be forced to listen closely.

     Improvising, he slid a hand carefully down his chest and stomach, enjoying the feeling of his short nails catching against the hair on his belly, trailing lower to cup his growing erection. Castiel’s gaze made him feel hot all over and more than a little aroused.

     Castiel said, “Yes.”

     “Then come here.”

     He did. Though he’d never admit it out loud, Dean’s hands were trembling slightly as he brushed his fingers against the angel’s stubbled cheek, half expecting Cas to smite him for his trouble. To his credit, Cas didn’t startle at the touch, although Dean had no idea whether he knew what to expect, or just trusted Dean not to lead him astray. There were no road maps on this one. Dean was trying to convince an angel of the Lord to have sex with him in the most direct, least complicated way he knew how—by offering himself like a sacrificial lamb upon the proverbial altar.

     When Cas didn’t pull away, Dean decided to push the envelope a little further by insinuating one hand into the mess of Castiel’s hair, and pushing his trenchcoat off his shoulders with the other. The garment puddled unceremoniously upon the floor, followed by his suit jacket and tie. As Dean expected, he looked smaller without all those layers—but not vulnerable, not frail. In fact, Dean was still scared out of his mind. He wanted so very badly to strip away the rest of those clothes until they were
both naked and exposed, but didn’t want to push Cas too hard and startle him. Dean thought back to the first time he’d heard Castiel’s real voice in that gas station, and got the feeling that bad things happened when Castiel’s control was allowed to slip too far.

     “You ever kiss someone?” Dean asked, trying to take things slow and alert Cas to what he had planned.

     To his surprise, Castiel said again, “Yes.” He must have noticed Dean’s look of confusion, because he added, “I kissed your mouth when I breathed life back into your body. I’d never done that before—but I still remember what you taste like.”

     The simplicity of the words made Dean shudder briefly before closing the last few inches of distance between them, crushing their mouths together for what was supposedly the second time. At first Cas seemed not to know what he was doing, both eager and uncertain, hands aimless and indecisive. They pulled at Dean’s hair and clutched at his flesh, alternating between moving too much and too little, like a rabbit snared in the sight of the hunter’s rifle. He behaved exactly like every other virgin Dean had ever encountered, but he caught the exact moment that Cas started to pick up cues and mimic Dean’s actions back at him. Within seconds they were wrapped in each other’s arms, Castiel struggling out of his white dress shirt and pleated-front pants, trying unsuccessfully to kick off his shoes before he remembered about the laces.

     “Why are you doing this?” he gasped, when Dean released him to palm the front of his boxers.

     “Because I want to,” Dean answered simply, not having to think about it. He let Castiel’s trousers slip to the ground, a black mess of fabric around the angel’s slim ankles. “Because you’re my friend and I don’t want you to die tomorrow; and I especially don’t want you to die knowing that you could have experienced this, and didn’t.”

     Dean helpfully exchanged the ‘I’ for the ‘you’, still unable to admit for how long he’d been thinking about Cas this way. Sometime within the last year he’d realized that Cas wasn’t nearly as cold or robotic as he first seemed, and maybe even before that, Dean had realized how much he wanted to be the one to find out how deep those still waters could run.

     Already knowing the answer, he asked, “Do you want me, Cas?” The angel nodded once, sharply, and Dean quirked a smile. “I’d feel a lot better if you
said it.”

     “You just want your ego stroked,” Cas deadpanned. At Dean’s shameless grin, he smiled and rolled his eyes a little. “Yes, Dean, I want you.”


     Hooking his thumbs into the waistband of the vessel formerly known as Jimmy Novak’s boxers, feeling the ridge of hipbone beneath his thumb, Dean slowly slid the underwear down, ghosting a kiss across Castiel’s mouth before he followed the path down his body. It was difficult to tell beneath all those clothes, but Castiel—Jimmy, once—was a fetching combination of slim and muscular, not perfectly toned and tight, but attractive. Real. He had broad shoulders and powerful runner’s legs, a generous ass that Dean wanted to sink his teeth into. The clean, angular lines of his body were a map that Dean could follow with his hands and tongue. This might not have been the angel’s true form, but it seemed to suit him well enough, the vessel reflecting Castiel’s contradictory softness and strength. And Jimmy, as Dean might have predicted, was circumcised—a good, clean-cut little Christian.

     He looked up from beneath his eyelashes, holding Cas’s gaze. “I want you, too,” he said, meaning it.

     Easily accessing his memories of the johns he’d sucked off, back in the day, Dean decided against standing on ceremony and simply took Castiel’s swelling penis into his mouth. A broken moan echoed from above him and he smiled, starting to suck and work at the hardening flesh. The taste was oddly neutral, clean skin and the barest trace of salt, more bitter where pre-come beaded upon Dean’s tongue. Unbelievable heat seemed to radiate off Cas’s body. Dean put his hands to work caressing every inch of skin he could reach, reminding himself that while Castiel wore this skin well, he wasn’t a man. Still, that didn’t seem to stop him from enjoying the sensations like one. The sounds that tumbled from Cas’s mouth were unrestrained, feminine almost, delicious to hear in that undeniably masculine voice. He responded to Dean’s attention like a finely-tuned instrument, his cries melodic and resonating deep in the pit of Dean’s stomach like a note struck perfectly pure and deep. His hands tugged and pulled at Dean’s hair in gratitude, desperation, bewilderment.

     Unsurprisingly, Castiel came within a few short minutes, letting out a surprised shout as his orgasm caught him off guard and damn near crumpled him on top of Dean, who merely swallowed down the issue and released his cock with a ‘pop’. For a moment longer he suckled at the sensitive skin of Castiel’s dick, licking it clean, until Castiel jerked and withdrew from overstimulation. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d enjoyed giving a blowjob that much.

     Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, Dean tested the tenderness of his own lips with the tip of his tongue. “How did that feel?” he murmured, sliding his hands up Castiel’s thighs. The soft scrape of hair tickled his fingers. Castiel looked down at him with wide eyes, saying nothing, but when Dean asked, “Was it good?” there was a nod. Dean couldn’t help but smirk; this was like being slave and master all at the same time. “Would you like to do something else?”

     Finally, Cas admitted, “Yes,” that apparently being the syllable of choice for the evening.

     Dean prodded, “What?” and Cas answered, “Everything.”

     To Cas’s chagrin, the holy oil was the only form of lubricant they had going. While at first reluctant—and indignant—over this proposed use, Cas warmed to the idea when Dean slicked some over Castiel’s palm and showed him how to jerk Dean off, how to slide those fingers down behind his balls and into the dark space beyond, that tight little ring that none but a single adventurous woman had approached in his lifetime. Dean, having fucked more than a few girls this way, knew how to direct Cas’s movements but not how it would feel.

     Eventually he settled for manoeuvring them around until he was able to push his own oil-slick finger into Castiel’s ass at the same time, saying, “Do what I do; tell me what feels good.” The result almost short-circuited his brain.

     Within minutes they were both ready to shudder apart, but Castiel, hard again already, shifted until he had worked himself beneath Dean’s body, legs sinewy and strong about his waist. The mattress was filthy with age and dust, creaking with every movement, but all Dean could register was the slide of their skin together, Castiel’s pink lips parting to emit fevered gasps, litanies of Dean’s name.

     He had no idea it would be this way, and then Cas murmured, “I think I’d like to feel you inside of me. Can we do that?” Their bodies were already lining up just so, the tip of Dean’s erection nudging at Castiel’s opening that he’d taken the time to stretch with such adoration and deliberateness.

     “You mean you want me to fuck you?”

yes,” growled Cas, growing testy.

     “Yeah, we can do that,” Dean chuckled.

     Making to reach for the condoms in his duffel, Dean sluggishly realized that safe sex was a bit moot here; it wasn’t as though they would catch something from one another, and it’d been ages since Dean had been inside another person’s body without a barrier of latex. The thought that he might just slide into Castiel right now without risk of illness made his cock jump with excitement, all of him ready to be
there without further debate or delay.

     “Ready?” he whispered hotly, trailing his tongue down the line of Castiel’s throat and down to his clavicle. At Cas’s nod, he smiled and guided the angel’s hands down to encircle his cock, still slippery with oil, pulling away just slightly so that he could find his way. “Put it in, go on.”

     The words made Castiel’s breath choke up, escaping from his mouth as a moan, but a moment later Dean felt the head of his dick begin to press inside, Cas’s hands pulling him forward. As he slowly sank into Cas’s body, savouring the give of muscle sweet and searing heat, those broad hands traveled up Dean’s body to tighten around his shoulders. Cas didn’t so much moan as he seemed to croon with rapture, his neck arching back in the most beautiful line of skin Dean had ever seen, flushed and damp with sweat. He didn’t appear to feel any pain, just the pleasure of their hips finally slotting together, Dean fully seated and home. Dean held his breath because he was afraid that the slightest movement would make him fall to pieces.

     “What now?” Cas muttered, earning another laugh from Dean.

     “Now I guess we just hold on and enjoy the freaking ride,” Dean offered, and started to move, a slow, controlled rock of hips that grew smoother as he fucked Castiel open, felt the muscles fluttering wildly around him but beginning to relax and ease his movement.

     From certain angles Dean noticed that the head of his cock stroked across a sensitive button of flesh that wrenched an honest-to-god squeal from Castiel’s throat, and mentally patted himself on the back for finding the prostate without much effort. Aiming for that spot again and again like there was a bull’s-eye painted over it, Dean grinned at the furious whimpers and cries that Castiel emitted each time, egging him on.

     Beginning to pick up the rhythm and thrusting back at Dean’s hips in counterpoint, Cas babbled, “Don’t stop, please, Dean, don’t stop,” and tightened his legs, vice-like, around Dean’s body. Dean mashed their lips together, starting to slip up in his control, and heard himself making the most delirious sounds he’d ever uttered. The mattress was skidding across the floor as though on ice.

     One of Castiel’s hands, sidetracked in clawing across Dean’s back, found its way to the scar on Dean’s shoulder and settled there, fingers lining up perfectly with the raised pink flesh as if it had never left. In gesture it was similar to what Anna had done but the reaction was completely different—unexpected, sudden, irreversible. Heat jumped through Dean’s body like lightning through a metal tower, flash fire in every vein and nerve and cell tracing back to that single point of connection. Castiel felt it, too; he cried out so loudly that Dean for a moment thought he was listening to Castiel’s true voice, and maybe he was. Dean felt him come between their stomachs as his own release shook him like a seismic event and he all but exploded inside Castiel’s body. The orgasm seemed to go on for hours.

     There was barely enough time to catch his breath when Castiel erupted in a flurry of movement and flipped them over, flipped
Dean over. His stomach was pressed against the ugly mattress so suddenly that Dean hardly registered that he was no longer inside Cas’s body. Hands jerked his hips upwards and back and next he knew, his asscheeks were being spread and Castiel’s tongue found that hidden place that Dean had practically just discovered himself. Shouting in surprise, Dean jolted, not away but into the blunt pressure, feeling himself licked and worshipped and prodded. Occasional swipes of tongue landed on his perineum and balls, making his spent cock twitch in misguided eagerness. He had no idea if Cas even knew what he was doing back there, but improvisation or not it felt wilder and more intense than anything else Dean had experienced before.

     “C’mon,” he heard himself say, goading, challenging, “are you gonna make me wait all night or are you gonna
fuck me?”

     “Is that what you want, Dean?” Cas answered. From the harsh arousal in his voice Dean didn’t have to be told how much the angel was getting into it. He anticipated bruises in the morning, a series of perfect handprints to match the original.

     “God, yeah,” Dean whimpered, when a finger pushed into his ass and was joined by another before Cas’s tongue got back in the action. The blasphemy, however, earned him a perfectly painful slap on the rear. “Now, Cas,” he prompted, fidgeting back into those fingers.

     It’s possible that Dean realized that he might be a little in love with him when he sank into Dean’s body, Cas a remarkably quick study and a strong case for the brevity of the angelic refractory period. The burn was blissful, and Dean was so caught up in the pleasure that he couldn’t tell the two apart. He made a low, keening noise from the time Cas first breeched him to the time he felt those slender hips bump against his ass. He wondered if this was what women felt, opening themselves to another body, letting them inside; he wondered if it was this same overwhelming, powerful, transcendent thing, and then Cas began to move.

     If anyone asked, Dean couldn’t have said why he wanted Cas to fuck him, why it was important for both of them to give something away. Maybe it was just the endorphins, the ecstasy-like high of the angel’s body on top of his, enveloping him in warmth; but that wasn’t an argument Dean could buy even with the most vehement of denial. He wasn’t behaving like a man suddenly struck by the impulse to sex up his angel friend, not responding to Castiel’s grunts and thrusts like someone just along for the ride. His one lucid thought, that he remembered, was wishing they could do this forever.

     When they changed again up a while later and Dean took Castiel from behind, both of them lying on their sides with Dean’s arm hooked around Castiel’s chest, he might have said as much out loud. They didn’t let each other go until the dawn came, bright and sharp through the broken shutters like an archangel’s fire.

     Dean shuddered awake with a gasp, and bolted upright when he found himself alone in bed rather than next to Kurt like he expected. He immediately missed the comforting, belting warmth of his lover’s body curled against him in sleep. A moment too late, he remembered that Kurt was out of town on a client meeting, and wouldn’t be back for a couple of days.

     Stumbling out of his creaky bed and to the bathroom, Dean caught a phantom chill across the sweat on his arms and back. He shivered despite the warmth of the summer night. A glance at the wall clock showed that it was hours still before dawn—just about the same time Dean was woken by dreams of Cas each night, even when the angel couldn’t be held responsible. Occasionally he liked to convince himself that the dreams were from Cas, but he knew that this was as much a fantasy on his part as the dreams themselves, his mind’s weak substitute for the single most elusive thread in his existence. For a lot of people it was happiness, but Dean was already happy; contentment was easier to come by these days than Castiel.

     He pulled on a pair of sweats he found on the floor, Sam’s judging by the size, and paused in front of the mirror. It seemed like he had his most uncomfortable self-revelatory moments in front of his own reflection these days. Even without his memories of Hell to keep him from meeting his own eyes, it was getting harder and harder to keep up the charade that there weren’t still things for him to feel guilty over. Dean told himself that a dream didn’t mean anything—and it wasn’t even really a dream, just a memory of some stuff that happened a million years ago, albeit with perfect detail and recollection. He had dreams about Kurt, too. Sometimes.

     Deciding that he should get back to bed or risk being sluggish at work, Dean started to withdraw from the bathroom when the sudden desire to prod at his shoulder took hold of him, almost directing his fingers to settle over that handprint as if guided by an unseen force. Dean knew there was no such thing, because not even Cas could make him do anything he didn’t want to do; but still, he didn’t try to resist.

     All he felt when he covered the scar with his own hand were the smooth bumps and ridges of the handprint, all but faded into his skin. These days it was almost invisible to anyone but him, and maybe Cas, but Dean didn’t think he’d ever be able to stop looking for it, as impossible to avoid as his own shadow. The memory of the orgasm he’d had when Cas touched it was still fading from his mind like an afterglow, and yet Dean couldn’t sense any traces of it when he touched the brand himself. Maybe that was just something special that had happened at the time, but it was gone now.

     “Nice try, Cas,” Dean whispered, and the silence echoed back except for Sammy’s snores from down the hall.

     Castiel’s warm presence from the bed was sheer illusion when Dean returned to his room to lie down again. The next time he fell asleep, he didn’t dream at all.

Chapter Nine

Hope you enjoyed that, guys... I know you've been waiting for it very patiently indeed. XD

Date: 2011-01-03 10:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] writingpathways.livejournal.com
Hmm. That is quite the memory.

And was Cas around there or not? hmmm.

Date: 2011-01-04 07:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Nah, Dean was just projecting but I guess you probably can't blame him after a dream/memory like that. :P

Date: 2011-01-03 11:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mulder200.livejournal.com
Oh interesting. Was Cas really there or was it Dean's imagination? Inquiring minds want to know.

And what a vivid and hot memory that was.

Date: 2011-01-04 07:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Dean sees what he wants to see lol... but glad you enjoyed the chapter!

Date: 2011-01-03 11:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] siennis.livejournal.com
Wow, go Cas! So hot and sexy!!

Hmm, was Cas actually there? I sure hope so...

Date: 2011-01-04 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
The fact that every single commenter has asked this question probably indicates that you've all gone into Cas-withdrawal. Luckily I can promise that you don't have very much longer to wait.

Date: 2011-01-03 11:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hotforangels.livejournal.com
YAY! I have been waiting for this one, and it was SOOO worth it! YAY YAY YAY!!!!!

Date: 2011-01-04 07:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Hehe I'm happy you enjoyed it. I was kind of waiting for it, too. XD

Date: 2011-01-03 11:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] migoto-03.livejournal.com
SQUEE. *reads*

Date: 2011-01-04 12:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] migoto-03.livejournal.com
What was Cas trying to do -- entice Dean or remind him exactly why nothing had come out of it years later..? :o

Date: 2011-01-04 07:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
I don't think Cas did anything on purpose but it doesn't take much for Dean to lay on the blame, does it? He sort of makes himself an easy target in absentia. :P

Date: 2011-01-08 03:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Who says Cas was trying to do anything? This is all Dean, baby. :P

Date: 2011-01-03 11:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scyllaya.livejournal.com
Oh I loved this soo much!! I want Cas to appeare! I want him to appear so much!! Preferably at the bar, where Kurt can ask the 'Who's your friend, Dean?' question. :D

I like Kurt, but I just can't wait for some Dean/Castiel drama...

The "dream" was amazing! Even more awesome that it was a memory.

I sure hope Cas was around. Angel, you get your Dean back! ASAP! :D

Date: 2011-01-04 07:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Sadly, I can tell you with absolute certainty that Kurt and Cas won't be meeting under particularly controlled circumstances, but I don't want to give anything away. :P

Date: 2011-01-04 01:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ophaniel.livejournal.com
Oh, God, this just made me feel so sad!

When their little tryst was mentioned early on, I figured maybe it was something brief, yet full of potential, but the way it is here, its like... How did they let that go?!
It's even sadder, how things have turned out.

And if Cas is there, distantly making connections with Dean maybe the only way he thinks he can now...
Oh, what on earth is going on...


Can you write some more please?

Date: 2011-01-04 07:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Initially it was supposed to be what you thought, but as the story progressed I realized that Dean and Cas needed to have something much more profound in order to justify Dean's future ruminations on the subject. Otherwise I doubt Dean would have stayed so angry. But there's more to come very soon, I promise. I don't know if it'll answer any of your questions - in fact you will probably want to shoot me - but Cas will have a very good reason to come back after the next part.

Date: 2011-01-05 12:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ophaniel.livejournal.com
Oh God
I can honestly and unashamedly say I dont mind what you do. Even when it makes me throw myself about like an eighteenth century virgin.
I am so enjoying this story, even if it ended tragically, I could never want to shoot you!
But now I am very excited and intrigued by this.
You are a tease!
(and your icon is killing me also. I think Im far too invested in this story for my own good - shame on you, you've much reduced me from my former magnificence).

Have I said well done to you yet? This really is a great read!!

Date: 2011-01-04 01:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bolozi.livejournal.com
Holy hell! That was pretty fucking hawt.

I want to believe Cas was there, I couldn't imagine what they had was gone. Just buried deep...deep, deep, inside Dean. Right?

Date: 2011-01-04 07:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
I don't think Cas had to be there in the flesh for Dean to realize how screwed he is lol. He lives on in memory and we all know how Dean can never leave well enough alone for very long. XD

Date: 2011-01-04 03:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angelshandprint.livejournal.com
I love the ending

Date: 2011-01-04 07:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Thanks. :)

Date: 2011-01-04 03:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tooquickly.livejournal.com


Date: 2011-01-04 07:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
And...? :P

Date: 2011-01-04 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drbadassisin.livejournal.com
Very nice. I'm enjoying this immensely and looking forward to more!

Date: 2011-01-04 07:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Glad to hear it! Hopefully the next part will be up in a couple days or so. :)

Date: 2011-01-04 07:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skullage.livejournal.com
Holy crap, that was some brain-melting, marathon fucking right there.

I'm such a sucker for post-The Brothel Incident first times.

Date: 2011-01-04 07:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Yeah, it's almost criminal to think that it isn't canon. What kind of an normal dude brings his buddy to a brothel if he isn't secretly in love himself? It's like he's just encouraging Cas not to form lasting attachments to anyone but himself lol.

Either that, or he needs someone in his life who is equally fucked-up. Can't decide. Glad you liked the chapter, though! I was nervous that maybe people had forgotten that Cas is actually in the story. o_O

Date: 2011-01-05 01:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skullage.livejournal.com
Dude, that was an epic reminder. It's good to see the comparison between Cas and Kurt and how Dean's grown already, it makes me 'aw', especially as of now Dean's not trying to fuck up his new relationship. They grow up so quick.

Date: 2011-01-04 04:41 pm (UTC)
ext_62137: (Default)
From: [identity profile] e0wyn.livejournal.com
Wow. I didn't expect their first time to be so much... I wonder how and why they could never mention it again

Date: 2011-01-04 07:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
With extreme difficulty? Obviously Dean hasn't done such a hot job at putting it behind him. :P

Date: 2011-01-04 07:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alassea-lorien.livejournal.com
I just love this story so much. I love the flow and how it always keeps me wanting more of everything. Never once do I think that I don't care what happens next. I'm always sort of on the edge of my seat wondering when something will happen or what the end game might be. It's awesome.

I even missed Kurt a little here haha.

Date: 2011-01-08 03:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Heh, there's just no pleasing you folks! First you're clamouring for more Cas, and then for more Kurt. Jeeeeez. XD (j/k obvs)

The next couple chapters might make you want to stab me in the face, not gonna lie, but hopefully it adds to your enjoyment of the story. I'm sincerely touched that you're liking it so much thus far and never fail to let me know it!

Date: 2011-01-04 10:26 pm (UTC)
meanheans: (darkly satisfied)
From: [personal profile] meanheans
I just wanted to say that I was holding out the hope that it was this blistering hot. I mean, I have that one-incredible-night-that-we-never-really-mention-but-that's-because-HOLYSHIT, and I was gonna be all, dude, I *get* that. (Apparently, when being together actually causes the earth to shake then that means you're too much to ever be "together" and should therefore cool off and maybe not see each other for more than small talk every once in a great while.)

AND NOW I CAN! (Dean, honey, I'm with you. I wanna beat the mothertrucker's face in and then roll in the hay for at *least* three solid hours. Rinse. Repeat.)

Date: 2011-01-08 03:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Yeah, those one-incredible-night-that-we-never-really-mention-but-that's-because-HOLYSHIT type nights are just such mixed blessings, aren't they? I have some experience with that myself and couldn't think of anything more representative of Dean and Cas's experience in this context, so I'm glad you found it effective. :)

Date: 2011-01-05 02:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightpoint.livejournal.com
Hmm I was wondering (meaning hoping) if Dean was going to take a trip down memory lane...

And aaah this fic! So many things unsaid! Deeeean!

Date: 2011-01-08 03:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
That's pretty much how I feel when writing it, which is maybe a weird thing to say for the writer but I long ago gave up any hope of controlling where the story ends up lol

Date: 2011-01-05 04:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lil-miss-maddie.livejournal.com
That was so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time.
It makes more sense now, why Dean's not over Cas yet.

I hope Cas meets Kurt soon. I have a morbid longing for the angst of Cas finding out Dean has "moved on" (heavy on the bynny ears), Dean meeting Cas, and Kurt sensing a back story.
More please!

m x x x

Date: 2011-01-08 03:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
A confrontation is definitely on its way, but I can say with absolute certainty that it will happen in a way that probably no one anticipates. And that's all I have to say about that. ;)

Date: 2011-01-06 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cautionzombies.livejournal.com
Ffffff yes. That's what I'm talkin' about.

ALL RIGHT. I'm heading to a hair appointment (this is the highlight of my week, okay), but I will have a look at the email you sent me as soon as I'm home, and will give feedback tonight. :)

I'm very pleased you gave us the entire scene, not just for the holy-fuck-God hot sex, but because it's something that's haunted Dean so clearly, that still causes him to get hung up even with Kurt (whom I still love, but want to see angry--or at least ruffled). Now we know what he thinks about when he remembers that night, how transcendent it was for him. Very nice and beautifully executed. :)

Date: 2011-01-08 03:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
I love you. You know this. ♥

Date: 2011-01-08 11:27 am (UTC)
ext_38905: (Default)
From: [identity profile] qthelights.livejournal.com
Dude. I was reading this from the masterpost and didn't even REALISE that there was this chapter already. What an awesome surprise!!

I have to say, I kind of like it even BETTER that Cas wasn't there, that it wasn't manufactured, just all Dean instead. Very nice.

This was extremely hot and shan't help me fall asleep at all, darn it!

Date: 2011-01-08 03:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanoochka.livejournal.com
Thanks, my dear! I'm going to update the masterpost right now, so thanks for reminding me!

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, too. I actually did consider having Cas appear but, like you, kind of felt he was more powerful in absentia in this case. (Much, I'm sure, to the chagrin of many readers lol)

Date: 2011-01-12 06:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] leaffit.livejournal.com
I've been reading about a chapter each night. With just about every sentence and paragraph I read, I think, wow she things of everything!! I am totally amazed at your ability to say the most perfect thing over, and over, and over. I'm enthralled. Not just this chapter but every friggen chapter.

This chapter was to die for. I think it's my new fav Dean/Cas love scene. I see from your comments it's more of an exaggerated memory on Dean's part. I was wondering why they weren't still together after such an amazing night. Now it makes more sense.

I could seriously see that scene where Dean asked Castiel if he's ever kissed someone in an episode. And Castiel explaining about the breath of life. And Dean giving in to all his building desires right then and there, kissing Cas into kingdom come. Oh how I wish!

Damn I enjoyed all of Castiel's little noises and reactions...I really think that is EXACTLY how he'd react!

Only one more chapter up I think, I really hope you continue with this!

Date: 2011-02-03 10:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adja999.livejournal.com
Wow. Makes sense he can't forget that. ^^ Such a 180 for the angel!

Yeah, I think it's time for some introspection.

Date: 2011-02-20 08:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secondplatypus.livejournal.com
They didn’t let each other go until the dawn came, bright and sharp through the broken shutters like an archangel’s fire.

I've read a lot of erotica [slash. porn. smut. whatever you want to call it], spanning fanfiction and fiction-fiction alike. That was, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful sex scenes I have ever read anywhere.
It was perfect. Actually, literally perfect, and the inclusion of handprint kink made it even better.

This chapter is going straight to my memories.

Date: 2011-02-27 02:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xarixian.livejournal.com
Oh god, I want to cry right now. I at least need a quick hug with my teddy bear which I've been rather pathetically clutching through half of this.
God damn it, boys, can't you just sort it out like adults, please?

I kind of haven't been able to help thinking of Cas as this kind of aloof asshole who keeps skipping out on Dean, but now I'm wondering so much about Cas, and what he's feeling, and whether he really is staying away because he thinks Dean doesn't want him any more. Dean's feelings are so clear to us that we don't even have to think about it, and surely Cas can read that in him? I'm so confused. Although I definitely want Dean and Cas to get together now, whereas before I was unsure (I know, it's blasphemy!) because moving on with Kurt seemed like such a good idea, a sensible idea.

flash fire in every vein and nerve and cell tracing back to that single point of connection.
God damn it. This more than anything cements the fact that Dean and Castiel are meant for eachother. I know there was an apocalypse, quickly followed by a civil war and everything, but really? Come on! D:

Loving this so much, I don't want to put it down but have to steel myself for the next round of heartache each time. I found it isn't 'sob into your pillow angst' but a tension and weird gnawing sensation that builds piece by piece. Very well done.



April 2011


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