This shit is bananas. But what do the bananas signify?

[nansense]

I have a funny story to share with y'all.

I run a writing group at my library for a small number of people from the community, and I have to say that so far it's been a really positive thing. I've tried to draw upon my own experiences with writing groups from when I was doing my degree in Creative Writing - although it was a bit different and we were obviously graded and guided by a professional writer, I still got a sense of what worked well as part of the group dynamic, and what to try and avoid in the future. Everyone in my group seems to get along and have really warmed up to one another; what started off as a group of fairly apprehensive people has turned into a positive, fun environment.

That is, except for Betty.

Betty is a woman in her late sixties who is known, by name, to all of the library staff here, as she can be extremely demanding and difficult to please as a customer. My stomach definitely sank when I saw her name on the sign-up sheet for the group, but I figured, Whatevs, maybe it won't be so bad, or she'll turn out to be an amazing writer. Yeah, right.

Not only does she snap and get defensive about every line of concrit provided to her at our meetings, she simply refuses to give feedback to the other group members, and makes it pretty obvious that she hates discussing anyone else's work but her own. We all know the type from fandom. Last month she said, "I have no interest in reading anyone else's work because I find it boring. Can I just skip reading it, or should i write, 'BORING' in my comments?" I politely told her that if she was unable to address herself more politely to the other group members, or fulfill group expectations, that I would have to replace her with someone else from the waiting list.

At this stage, I should also add that I regularly hand out samples of poetry and short stories from various well-known authors such as W. H. Auden, Hemingway, Shakespeare or T. S. Eliot so that the group members can think about different styles of writing, especially since some of them are still getting used to different poetic forms, etc.

Today I get a package in my mailbox from her, containing not only this month's writing sample, but all of Betty's comments on the other members' work, and the handouts I prepared. At first I couldn't figure out why she would have returned the handouts to me, but then I had a closer look and realized that she had not just discarded them, but gone and written her critiques on everything - even the Auden and the Eliot and the Hemingway. I guess Shakespeare passed muster for her.

All over the Auden poems were notes like, "This is unclear - explain what you mean," or, "Why would we stumble when the musicians are playing? This makes no sense," or, my favourite, "What are the clowns supposed to signify?" Regarding the lines from The More Loving One, "Admirer as I think I am/ Of stars that do not give a damn," she responded, "This is an undesirable emotion - your whole poem is unclear. Please clarify."

Her notes to Hemingway were definitely my favourite, though. She wrote a bunch of stuff in the margins about the title of Hemingway's A Very Short Story demanding to know what it was about, or if it indicated sexual abuse, or who the hell he was talking about (not even paraphrasing there). She accused him of using 'unnecessarily long sentences', and, regarding the deaf old man in the story A Clean, Well-Lighted Place, "What does it matter what time of day it is, or if the night is more quiet? It would be quiet any time of the day since he's deaf."

I just... in between wanting to piss myself laughing, I have no idea how I'm supposed to look this woman in the eye tonight. This is either the most blatant show of passive aggressiveness I've ever seen, or the most blatant display of utter stupidity. All I can think to say is that her notes were well-taken, but that Hemingway and Auden might have a few problems addressing her concerns due to a severe case of being dead.

Day: Consider yourself officially made.

ETA: Tonight she asked, "Who's Ernest? I don't remember meeting him at one of our sessions."

Comments

[oddlyfamiliar.livejournal.com]

Oh, that is amazing. And you absolutely have to say that to her. I'd love to see the look on everyone else's face :D

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

It's very tempting. We'll see how much she pisses me off at tonight's meeting. Last week she interrupted a discussion of my novel to be like, "Are we done? Because I'd like to talk about my own work some more." I almost punched her the fuck out after that lol

[oddlyfamiliar.livejournal.com]

I'd have been all "Bitch, what did you just say?". I apparently have this look of 'I am not amused' that I pull whenever the managers at work are being ridiculous (which is generally all the time) and it involves a raised eyebrow and the person I'm staring at feels like they're about to burst into flames. So yeah, I'd have done that look as well.

ETA: Tonight she asked, "Who's Ernest? I don't remember meeting him at one of our sessions."

Brb, *headdesk*-ing forever...

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

I have a similar stare. Perhaps it's a Brit thing? I find it particularly useful in areas where other people don't have the accent/associate Britishness with authority (hah). I've been known to settle a group of unruly teenaged pissants and have them offering to lick my boots in under 10 seconds with that stare. :P

[ophaniel.livejournal.com]

---------->




(I wouldn't be able to resist giving her a Kerouac for her thoughts on that).

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

Oh god, don't give me ideas. Next thing I know, I'll be printing out anonymous work and giving it to her just to see what she says. I could publish a book of literary criticism.

[writingpathways.livejournal.com]

Okay wish you lived close to me so I could fill her spot, LOL.

And OMG, lol she accused Hemingway of long unnecessary sentences. That cracks me up more than anything else.

I'm thinking it was a display of both passive aggressiveness and stupidity.

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

She genuinely doesn't know who Ernest Hemingway is, as it turns out. She asked whether he'd been to a meeting lol

[writingpathways.livejournal.com]

OMG. How even?

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

I dunno. One for the books, though.

[prettify.livejournal.com]

this lady sounds crazy, haha; you poor thing having to put up with that! *hugs*

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she's pretty crackers, but I actually have the hardest time dealing with her defensiveness than anything. I'm almost at the point where I want her to do something so batshit insane that I have no choice but to ask her to stop coming.

Crazy can be funny, though, as it turns out. :)

[qthelights.livejournal.com]

omg lol. That is the funniest thing ever.
How can she not know who they are??

Oh please do keep copies of them. That could be the funniest book ever. Or, you could have a website for it *G* In fact yes, a website with anonymous famous works for critique.. I love it!

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

There is some good potential here, huh? I could start a twitter. I'll be just like Shit My Dad Says but for smart people who read. :P

[strangeandcharm.livejournal.com]

Why, oh WHY are you doing this? Don't you see enough of this crap online? You will go insane!

I bet she writes fanfic in her spare time (probably original Kirk/Spock) and only signed up to the class to show off her ~vast talent.

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

Well, the writing group is part of my job; I have to plan a certain number of public programs, so I try to do stuff with a Creative Writing theme. I've had a lot of success doing memoir and short story workshops, and people asked me about doing a writing group for a while until I caved and set something up. With the exception of this one woman, they're pretty great!

Plus I have veto power on who gets in. Mwahaha.

[eatingsummer.livejournal.com]

Either she's a bigger troll than you thought or she mistaken members of your group as dead poets.

If it is the second one your group members should assign random famous poets' names to each other just to mess with her a bit.

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

I'm told this would make me a bully. But awesome.

[lady-jane.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for sharing this. This seriously made my night.

[nanoochka.livejournal.com]

Heh, this might have made my YEAR, and it's barely started yet - but unless I wake up in bed with Jensen Ackles sometime in the next 11 months, I'm pretty sure that this story will still take the cake. ;)